My pots story

Where to begin?!

I had known something was wrong with me for quite some time. It started with strange contrasts in vision and a panic like feeling during my junior year of college. When i went to the doctor's they told me it was anxiety--and that they could fix it through medication and counseling. I disagreed with them, i did not believe that i had anxiety and figured that if i did, this was something that i was going to have to deal with on my own. This was in 2007.

Since then, i had been having weird symptoms--but i could still function and that was what was important. Yes, they were annoying at times but i figured they were just some weird quirks of my body that i was going to have to live with. Like being short of breath, having chest pain, losing my endurance day by dat , having hands that throbbed at night, and getting the occasional fluttering heart. In 2009 i had an "episode" where my heart started to beat really really fast and i thought i was going to pass out. It was very scary. To be honest, it felt like i was going to die right there!

 So, i went back to the dr.'s we ran some blood tests and found out that my potassium levels were low. The prescription: bananas and orange juice. Okay, i thought, i can do that. I started eating these foods religiously and for awhile it helped. I still couldn't help but notice though, that my endurance was continuing to deplete day by day. Then on october 19th 2010 my life changed forever. I went to work that morning and i remember i was remarkably tired. But i'm not one to call in, so i went anyways, thinking to myself, " i can do this." I was very very wrong.

I was going to school and working as a bartender in a restaurant during this time. I arrived at my shift and kept getting these "hot flashes". Again, "no big deal, i can do this." I was there for about 2 hours before i walked around a corner and...BAM!! Just like that i was a goner. My vison blurred out, i became what i would call woozy, and thought to myself, "i have to sit down. Now." I thought i would never make it to that chair. It seemed like i was on the starting line and that chair being only 3 feet away was the end of a marathon. As i sat there, i realized quickly that i wasn't recovering from whatever was going on. I got up to walk around the corner, my heart blipped, and it got even worse. I tried to think to myself what could be going on. Lightheadedness, palpitations, confusion, disorientation, and this overwhelming feeling of just losing it---oh my gosh...i'm having a heart attack! I looked at my boss and said, "call 911 right now, i think i am having a heart attack." He looked back at me in disbelief as if i was joking. I'm 25. Then, i said again, "no, call 911 right now."

I knew something was VERY, VERY wrong. When the emt's arrived i was so out of it that i was delusional and my pulse while sitting was 130 beats per minute (a good jog pace for most) and my blood pressure was 130/100 (it is normally 106/75 ish. I really thought i was going to die that day. When i arrived in the E.R. they set me up in this small room to do an EKG. While i was sitting there, the strangest feeling i have ever experienced in my entire life came over me. It was peace, tranquility, omniscience. It felt like i was leaving and it was the most profound and remarkable sensation. I remember seeing a wall of clouds as i felt this sensation of drifting off. And once it had started, i had NO qualms about its occurance, it felt great. But then all of a sudden, a thought came into my mind. "I would never be able to touch anyone i loved ever again." What a strange reason eh? Then, like an anchor, that thought yanked me back to this earth. Instantly afterwards, my dead grandfather was standing over my left shoulder. That was when i really started to freak out. I was going to die. It took everything i had in me to stay here, to stay conscious. The fight was like pulling a 5 ton weight up a mountain. And the thought that gave me that strength was an immense desire to hold on to my loved ones. I just wanted to see them one more time, to touch them, to tell them i loved them, and i begged for the opportunity to do so. It was granted.

I was never the same after that day. The next few months i went on with a misdiagnosis of panic attacks and anxiety. It wasn't until one day, my doctor took my blood pressure --laying, sitting, and standing -- that we realized i had what is called orthostasis-- a significant change in my cardiovascular functioning upon standing. I got a referral to see a cardiologist and that was when i was diagnosed with P.O.T.S. I started out with a beta blocker and was able to finish 2 quarters of school. Then one day, things went downhill. The beta blocker became too strong for me, and we struggled to find the correct therapy. For three months, i really suffered. Now, i am on medication that makes my life livable but i am not up to where i would like to be as far as tolerance of being able to get things done that need to be done. My condition is also unstable enough to prevent me from being able to work--which is disappointing. Here i was, this  young woman ready to take the world by storm, and now all of those dreams are being absorbed by the physical state of my body.